Nice Flag, Neighbor!

Mornin’.

“Good morning!”

New to the neighborhood, eh?

“You bet. We moved in just over a week ago.”

Well, welcome. It’s a great area, as I’m sure you know. Place has been empty for a while. Nice to see folks in it. Good to have you around. I’m glad to see you enjoy sodomy.

“Ex…Excuse me?”

Your sign. ‘Up North Pride.’ I like women, myself. Not too thin, neither. But I don’t think they have a flag for that yet.

“I’m sorry, but–“

Don’t know what one would look like, neither. Maybe one of those big yellow smiley faces. Bright, you see. Cheerful. Happy.

“Look, I don’t know what you mean. But—“

Your sign! Pride and such. All that rainbow stuff. Doesn’t it mean you enjoy sodomy?

“Listen, I don’t want to be rude, but—“

No, no. You put up a sign for whatever sexual activity you like. We all should. Guy down at the lodge says he’s making one with a raised fist, if you take my drift. Sign, not a flag.

“I don’t see what—“

Well, it’s this fella Larry. Used to be married. Turns out, after their kid went into the Navy, she ran off with a biker chick! The wife did, I mean. All that leather and everything. My theory is it’s the vibrations of the motorcycles on these back roads. Lot of two-tracks. Goes to the mind of some of these women. If you take my meaning. Anyway, Larry says he’s done with women. Nothing but porn for him from now on. A helluva lot cheaper than a real woman, too. He says. Sounds kind boring to me, but hey, whatever you like, amirite?

“Look, this sign does not mean…I can’t believe you would just walk up and—“

Not sodomy? No kidding? Well, you being a man and all, I just kinda figured. Hold up. You’re not a man? One of them trans things? My goodness. It was ladyboys back in my day. The word, I mean. Well, things change. I’ll be dogged. I’ll be damned if they didn’t do a terrific job on you, though. I would have sworn, I would have bet big money you were a real man. Ha! Looks can be deceiving, just like they say!

“I am a man!”

Well, that’s a relief! I thought my vision was going. Among other things. Ha! Well now. A man with that flag and not sodomy, you say? Of course, I ain’t real up on sodomy, if you understand me, having never practiced or been partial to it, so I don’t know what it’s going by these days. The word, I mean.

“Look, I don’t even know who you are. What my husband and I do behind closed doors is none of your business.”

Darn right, too. You two just go on and practice whatever you like. Enjoy yourself! But hold up. Now I’m confused. I thought you wanted to be congratulated for it. Why else do you have the sign, right here at the edge of the road, too?

“What? No, the sign doesn’t mean we—I mean, the sign is to signal our Pride.”

That’s what I figured. Pride in sodomy! What else? Course, there’s all them other colors, too, but I never could keep straight which was what. Huh. Keep straight. Ha! Get it? Keep straight!

“Look, the sign doesn’t say anything about us. It—“

So you fellas aren’t into sodomy?

“What we’re into is none of your business. This flag is to celebrate the sexual freedom, the hard-won freedoms available to each of us.”

So you’re proud that other people enjoy sodomy, but not yourselves?

“Look—“

Ah! I got it! Once again, my eyes deceive me. I got it, I got it. You have to forgive me. You don’t look that old to me. This whole sodomy thing is now sort of a memory to you now, is that it? Reminds me of the old joke. Farmer was asked how he was doing and says the parts that’re supposed to be limber are now stiff, and the parts that’re supposed to be stiff are now limber. Hahaha!

“I assure you—“

No need to explain. These things happen to the best of us. Not me, yet, thank God. But nothing lasts forever. Say, seeing as how you enjoy other people having sodomy, take pride in it, I mean. I wasn’t just kidding about the flag. For our guys, I mean. Guys who like gals. How do we go about getting a color for ourselves on that flag? We have pride too, you know.

“I have to go inside now.”

See you around.

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