England Voted To Have Doctors Kill Their Patients

The MPs in the UK passed a bill that will allow doctors to kill their patients. Maybe this is their solution to the rampant immoral immigration they can’t make themselves stop? Who knows. In any case, there is some to-ing and fro-ing left in the legalities before the bill becomes an official law, but all expect that it will.

Doctors in the UK have grown squeamish, coincidentally, I’m sure, at the same rate the profession becomes female. So this bill says doctors will only give Death Pills to patients, and have the patients swallow them on their own, albeit under supervision of Dying Experts. This is contrasted with the manly way of just bashing patients over the head, or slitting their throats.

At this early date, we won’t see, like in the Netherlands and Canada, doctors sneaking into patient rooms in the dark of the night and slipping them the needle. At first, anyway. Doubtless the Slippery Slope is being greased even as you read this.

They won’t slather on too much, though. Because consider: if you kill patients as they walk in the door, what you gain in dying efficiency and bed space you lose in the amount you can bill insurance companies. There has to be a balance of killing and care that maximizes revenue.

The UK Bill says doctors can’t kill just any old patient. Or any young patient, come to that. Doctors first have to pronounce the patients have only six months to live. Now I have read countless stories of doctors insisting patients are “brain dead”, right before the patients come back to “brain life”. Meaning the prognosticative ability of doctors is right up there with their ability to make moral arguments. Look for lots of “six months left” diagnoses to be charted.

Surely some pharmaceutical has tasked its marketing department to develop a clever, happy name for its Dying pills. Easy Off? No, that’s an oven cleaner. Could be the same ingredients, though. I see the possibilities for a tie-in here, especially as those crematorium’s ovens have to be cleaned by somebody. “Hands free death with scouring power!”

Maybe Endia. But, Wokepedia tells us, this is derogatory slang in India, so it can’t be marketed under that name there. Curryfinia might work there, though.

Gonegrinnia? Chokecheerica? Happy Exit?

How about Releasia? Don’t be satisfied with death pills that will have you spitting up blood — try new Painless Releaseia™ for your final release!

Can you imagine the commercials? People cavorting, smiling, one last push of the granddaughter on the swing. Dancing, even, then marching off to swallow Releaseia and leave their troubles for others to deal with. Ask your doctor if Releaseia is right for you.

Not a joke, my friends. The ads are already here, and indeed, the image leading today’s post is one of them. Presumably that ad was right next to the Suicide Prevention hotline poster. Seriously, have you ever seen anybody about to kill herself as joyous as this? Besides Kamala, I mean.

Somebody pointed out the ad featured a white woman, which is odd in a culture that features Official Victims in nearly all ads. Some thought the ad was because of hatred of whites. That might be part of it, but consider if they instead had a happy Official Victim tap dancing her way into the grave. The hue and cry—there is no charge for these jokes, friends—would be ear splitting. How dare you express the desire for Victims to die!

I made the observation on Twitter that a cardiologist is a doctor who specializes in heart disease. An oncologist specializes in cancer. What do they call a doctor who specializes in killing his patients? Doctor.

What a good joke!

Somebody else suggested necrologist. I like it. It sings.

No sense being angry about any of this. Won’t do you the least bit of good. It would only increase your blood pressure, increasing the chances you’d make a visit to the doctor, and she’d only recommend death as treatment.

I say “she” in honor of Ellen Wiebe, a Canadian doctor who has sent over 400 of her patients to an early grave. She worries about anger too. She says “We know that angry family members are our greatest risk (laughter).”

Laughter.

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