What A Winter
Your uncle sergeant Briggs is forced to go AWOL the rest of this week.
This has been some kind of winter. A lot of joyous whitestuff, and plenty of wind. It was so festive, even the truck wanted in on the fun. Alas, it got at little too rambunctious, and in the excitement killed off its fuel pump.
Then came the Great Septic Tank Incident of 2026. Picture me, then, bundled up this weekend digging through the feets (no misspelling) of snow to reveal the septic markers. Then picture me digging holes in the ground to get at two of the tanks. Then, once uncovered, picture thick columns of steam rising up majestically to greet us. Then picture—but, no. Let us draw a veil at this point.
Anyway, after this treat, the dirt had to be shoveled back into the holes, then the snow re-piled on top, lest the frigid air, suitable only for penguins, freeze the pipes.
Now the only way to get at my truck’s fuel pump (I had changed the filter) is to either cut a hole in the floor, which I did not desire, or to drop the tank, which I am not equipped to do. So I called a tow truck to bring it to the garage.
I got out early yesterday and blew off the 4 or 5 inches of snow that had fallen in the night in preparation for the tow truck. Then I went to the lakeshore because I heard an odd sound. Like a roar a freight train might make, if freight trains could roar. The waves were maybe 2 feet high, building some nice little ice castles. It was oddly calm.
Just as I got back to the driveway, it hit. A solid wall of snow and wind, maybe 40 MPH. It didn’t ramp up, it just slammed down. At times, you couldn’t see two feet in front of you. The driveway was instantly recovered, and drifts quickly blocked the door.
Right in the middle of this, the tow truck arrived. Driver’s first words were “It’s gnarly out there.”
I was amazed he had made it, since he had to come a distance. But he was bred up here, and was cheerful about his job. Off went the truck.
I stacked a lot of wood, got the fire stoked, and thanked God the power never went out.
That brings us to now, days behind in writing, with a few more delays coming. So I will take the rest of the week off, for which my apologies. No Class this week either.
It’s been a brutal winter, with at least two more weeks in which we’ll all get lots more cold and snow. My friend Joe Bastardi is hinting at the chance of two—not one, two—blizzards hitting in the next week. This is shockingly rude of him. If you see him, be sure to tell him how displeased you are about the weather.
It reminds me when I was a boy in the 1970s. It once reached -40 (in civilized units, which coincidentally is the same in barbarian units). It hasn’t got that cold—yet. But it does put me in mind of the warnings from scientists back then of a coming ice age, and global cooling.
Let Spock tell you about it. I’ll see you next week.
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Stay warm Sergeant Briggs. I predict that after the current ice age ends we will experience months of localized global warming.
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
- Robert Frost, Fire and Ice