We Know Our Son Is Our Daughter: A Mini-Play In One Act

Say, Jesse, how ya been? Step in any more poop on the golden streets of Frisco?

"Very funny. You know, that's awfully close to being racist."

That so? What can I do to put it over the top? You know I don't like doing things half measure.

"I don't have much time right now, especially for your bad jokes. I have to get to the pharmacy before it closes."

Oh, I'm sorry. Somebody feeling poorly at your place?

"No, it's for our daughter. I have to pick up her hormone blocker pills. I already missed a day because I was on a flight."

Hormone blockers?

"Even somebody as dumb as you must have heard of hormone blockers."

I have, too. But I thought you had a son, not a daughter. You say you're giving him these pills?

"I'm giving her those pills."

So that he can stop from having his balls drop?

"Her balls. I know what game you're playing, and I won't play it with you. I won't even get upset that you misgender my daughter. Some people are just ignorant."

Say, how did you know your son was actually your daughter?

"It's when she started kindergarten, my wife was bathing her. An adult friend of ours had just come out as trans, and my wife mentioned that not all girls have vaginas and not all boys have penises.

"Our daughter asked, 'some girls have penises?' My wife said yes. Whether you were a boy or a girl wasn't about your private parts. 'I'm a girl with a penis,' my daughter said."

So your son believed your wife? In the glorious olden days of yore, when a man's wife did that kind of a thing to a child, the man would take his belt to her.

"So you're a sexist as well as a transphobe. I might have known."

I'm all sorts of fine things. But seriously. How besides your son taking your wife's hint did you know he was actually your daughter? You can't have started him on a course of these powerful medications just because of one bath.

"Don't be an ass. Of course not. We hired a therapist. It can be scary to be so different. We found ours through LA Gender Center. We also went to Transforming Family, a program at Children's Hospital of Los Angeles that includes therapists and facilitators for adults and playgroups for kids."

Anything else?

"No. We also took our daughter to a doctor who specializes in adolescent medicine for trans kids. We're so grateful we live in LA and have access to caring medical pros who are up on the latest research and standards of care."

Charge a lot, does he?

"A fair bit, but insurance covers most of it. We're happy to pay whatever it takes."

Including the hormone blockers.

"Yes, including those."

I know I'm slow, but help me out here. You say you know, and your son knows, and your wife knows, and the highly paid quacks you engaged know, that your son is actually your daughter. That right?

"You say they're quacks. I say they are a godsend. But, yes, it's true we all know."

So that because your son is actually your daughter, you will give him pills that block the production of testosterone, which is a natural process in boys?

"That's right."

In other words, you will have to inject artificial chemicals into your son on a regular basis, to prevent his body's natural functions from overriding your beliefs?

"It isn't our belief. It's true."

Put it this way, you have to stop him from becoming a man, which you agree would happen naturally. You know he's really a girl because you know he's a boy. And you want to stop that.

"You're being crude, but that's it."

What's next? You gonna take him to some quack and, for a very large fee, have him chop your boy's nuts off? Say! I wonder if those quacks pin sets of these to their I-love-me walls, sort of like trophies, like the barbarians used to do with scalps.

"Aha! So you are a racist. I knew it."

Parts of this conversation have been ripped off from this thread. And, yes, we are the April fools.

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